Give your Child Competitive Advantage this year

As January draws to a close, I am acutely aware that the South African kids are heading into their 3rd full week of school. Have you considered ways to give your child a competitive advantage at school this year?

Logan is in Grade 6 this year. That means, we’ve refined our back to school, planning and organisation practice. I know how stressful is it when you child starts grade 4! I knew the rotation would help my little ADHD boy, yet I still felt a little anxious about all the changes.

With the help of a education psychologist, we have managed to implement a number of minor tweaks to help Logan cope with the changes.

We are also implementing one or two new strategies this year for Grade 6! And as always, we are open to learning what works for you and giving it a try too!

5 Minor Tweaks to give your child competitive advantage at school

1. Book Bags

Logan has six different book bags in his school bag, a bag for each subject. Initially, this was a little investment, because we opted for durable Waltons book bags in various colours.

Thankfully, the investment paid off, as two years down the line, the book bags are still sturdy and being used daily.

This year, Logan has decided to opt for 3 bookbags instead of 6. However, the principle stays the same.

2. Colour Code

Once we had purchased the book bags in various colours, I literally redesigned his school rotation roster, matching the book bags’ colours.

This helped Logan immensely! When he looks on his roster, he can easily see what his next subject is, along with the colour of the book bag he needs to take out of his school bag.

In other words, Math is colour coded in Blue. The colour of math on his school roster is blue and as soon as he sits at his desk, he removes the blue book bag out of his school bag. In the blue book bag, he neatly has all his math books together.

This helped him to be organised and ready to listen to what his teacher is talking about in class, instead of fiddling in his school case for the correct books.

It may seen minor to us as adults, but being able to focus on what is being said in class, instead of trying to get your duck in a row, as a child is serious competitive advantage!

3. Laminate the School Rotation Roster

Once we nailed the colour coded school bags, we printed and laminated the school roster. The laminated school roster card is attached with a simple keyring to his school bag – which give Logan easy access to the roster.

He doesn’t have to search for the homework diary, flip to the first or last page, in order to view the roster. It is easily accessed on the outside of his school bag.

4. Diary Management

Teaching your kid to use their school diary, can be an uphill battle. Especially when the teacher doesn’t check if they have written down their homework.

Here’s what we do: On a daily basis, Logan writes down every subject in chronological order, i.e. he follows the timetable for the day and writes the subjects accordingly.

This means, that all he needs to do is write down the homework in the space allocated next to the subject after the period is completed.

For us this practice wasn’t enough.

In certain subjects there we never any homework and in the languages, he always had spelling words for homework. Writing down ‘spelling words’ every day seemed a bit pointless.

For these reasons, we took it a step further in last year. Instead of writing down the homework, I asked Logan to write what was discussed in class.

For example: Eng – Passive tense

Now, naturally, he doesn’t always remember to write down the outline of the lesson per subject. One thing he is well aware of, is that I will be asking him for his diary when I come home. This forces Logan to reflect on his day, and jot down what was discussed.

The ability to recall information you stored earlier that day, is an invaluable executive function – a skill we all need in order to thrive in achieving what we decide to do!

5. Daily Practice

Ever since I read Caroline Leaf’s book – Switch on Your Brain, I am accutely aware of the active steps we need to take every single day, in order to change our thinking.

Deep reflective thinking helps us to change our non-conscious minds!

Logan may not feel the need to change his thinking. That doesn’t mean, it isn’t my responsibility as a parent to equip him appropriately for the future. Schoolwork certainly is a practical area to start!

Here’s what we’ve (slowly) tried to put in place:

We would like Logan to take a bit of time, daily, to reflect. In his instance, we would like him to jot down what they did in the classroom, for every subject.

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At the moment, it seems like the end of the world for Logan! He feels our sole purpose in life, is to make him miserable. (Pretty much what I thought my parents were out to do, as a kid.)

Like I said, the details haven’t been ironed out just yet! I am hoping that we can transfer a skill to Logan, that will give him competitive advantage in the long run!

He is a smart little boy and with the right kind of guidance, he will excel in work and life.

There you have it! What’s working, along with, what we hope to achieve.

Tell me, in the comments below, what strategies you have implemented for your child? And how it has turned out for him or her?

I would love to know what is working for you.

Back to School 2019 +A Free Kids Goal Setting Printable

Back to school 2019 was slightly delayed this year! The main reason for the delay was because I’ve been on leave since the 13th of December and was a little unprepared with the preparations!

Every year since the 2012 for Logan and 2013 for Oli, we’ve taken a photo of the first day of school for the year.

Both Oli and Lu rolled their eye at me when I reminded them of the tradition on the 2nd day of school. I simply answered them by saying that one day, they would look back and appreciate these photos!

Naturally the whole idea of looking back was intriguing enough for me to dig into the archives of our back to school tradition and compare the photos year by year.

Logan | 2012-2018

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  2012

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  2013

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  2014

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  2015

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  2016

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  2017

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Oli | 2013-2018

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  2013

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  2014

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  2015

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  2016

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  2017

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  2018

Back to School 2019

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In celebration of going back to school and the spirit of goal achievement – I have a little printable available!

Download the “What is your 2019 Goal” Kids Printable right here!

Best of all, you have the option to download the printable in English or Afrikaans! (If anyone is prepared to translate in any other languages – I will gladly make the printable available?)

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Kids Goal Printable 2019Download

Kinder Doelwit Printable 2019Download

What are Executive Functions?

I have noticed that executive functions are virtually non-existent in most of today’s workforce. It is something that troubles me immensely (naturally, that is a post for another day) but it has been the force behind developing executive functions in my kids.

Teaching kids to have a goal and helping them achieve their goal, not only boosts their self-esteem, it also develops executive functions.

I’m sure you must be wondering – what exactly is executive functions and why am I going on and on about them!

To put it real simply, executive functions are the skills you need, to do, what you decide to do.

We’ve starting playing chess at home, and added Rummikub to the equation. These games teach you how to solve problems, manipulate information and reuse it to your advantage.

Goal setting on the other hand teaches you how to follow through with a decision you’ve made, persistent perseverance. It teaches us to align certain tasks (planning) in order to achieve our goals.

Self-talk and monitoring is developed, and with the guidance of an involved parent – this is positive and not negative self-talk!

Both Logan and Oliver will use the goal setting printable, in conjunction with the GAP calendar. I know this will teach them how to plan their activities within a timeline and grow a better understanding of getting things done sooner, rather than later.

I’m pretty excited for the new skills that are being developed and I will be sure to share their journey right here.

Download the Printable in English

Download the Printable in Afrikaans

Chess for Kids | Cognitive and Executive Functions Skills Development

Apart from the fact that chess benefits us as a family, there are loads of skills being developed as a child!  Hence the reason, I am an advocate of chess for kids!

If you are new to this blog, you may not know, that I am a huge fan of the development of executive functions from a young age!

Since Logan’s diagnosis of ADHD, I have been searching for tips and tricks to help me, help him.  The development of Executive functions was one of the missing pieces.

 

What are Executive Functions?

The short and easy to understand explanation of executive functions is that they are the skills needed to do what you decide to do.

In other words, executives functions are the things that generally frustrate you, in others.  It is when you ask your colleague to run with an aspect of a project after you have broken the tasks down in steps.  And still, they can’t seem to get going with it!

 

 

Getting started with a task is an executive function.  So is planning and prioritising tasks, along with general organisation skills.  Self-monitoring and emotional control are both executive functions.  Impulse control (thinking before you act) and flexibility in your decision-making, also forms a part of executive functioning.

I think it is handy to know that executive functions are only fully developed by the age of 25-30 years of ages!  People with ADHD generally struggle longer to the develop these skills.  Hence the fact that I am adamant to get started with the development as soon as possible!

Therefore, even though Logan has ADHD and Oliver doesn’t – both benefit from the strengthening of executive functions.

 

 

Chess for Kids

I really don’t need to explain how chess for kids and executive functions go hand in hand here!  But here are some interesting facts and observations I have made:

Evidence shows that chess actually improves reading and mathematics skills. – Source

Because chess teaches us to plan ahead, evaluate alternatives, and use logic, it improves a child’s visual memory, attention span, and spatial-reasoning ability. – Source

Logan, my ADHD boy-child, can concentration for an hour and a half straight in order to beat me in a chess game.  Throughout the game, he strategises – thinking three moves ahead, prioritising moves and considering alternatives.

Considering alternative options really translates into, solving problems.  The ability to think for yourself and solve a problem through trial and error is huge!  Imagine a life where you don’t have to spoon feed people solutions!  A world where logic prevails!

Oliver started using the kitchen tiles as a platform to practice the various mobility moves of each chess piece.  He is literally walking or jumping the moves permitted for the different pieces.  Now it may seem trivial, but Oli is six.  Retaining the information from the chess board, manipulating the information and applying it to kitchen tiles – that aren’t checked, is, in reality, a skill that is crucial in the workplace!

 

 

Understandable, chess is only a game.  As parents, we need to ensure that a game stays fun while benefitting our kids!

 

Activities that Build and Enhance our Kids

Logan used to hate reading – so we focussed on executive functions instead.  I dare not say this out loud – but I think the reading bug has finally bitten him!  I am beyond thrilled, even more so, because it wasn’t forced.  Perhaps incentivised, but not forced!

The same with chess, weeks will go by when life takes over and we don’t play a single game of chess.  And then suddenly, it seems like it is all we do in our free time.

Capoeira is another activity (and sport) I can go on and on about.  But let’s save that for another day!

At the end of the day, spending our time and energy on various activities that build and enhance our kids, is so important!  For the sake of keeping things interesting and fun, we need to allow things to happen organically!

Some days, that is easier said than done!

 

Have you heard of the benefits of chess for kids?  Have you given it a go?  And if you have – what are the benefits you are seeing in your kids?

Exam Preparations for ADHD Kids | Secret weapons to survive the Exam Season

If you came here looking for answers, I am really sorry to tell you, that studying with an ADHD child is an uphill battle.  One that I fight daily!  So instead of pretending I know it all, I going to tell you, I know what you are going through.  And I have the deepest sympathy for the struggles you need to endure!

Logan is in grade 4 this year.  In South Africa, grade 4 is officially the first year that our kids write formal tests and exams.  We’re in November at the moment, which means, this is our second exam season.

Related Post:  3 Exam Preparation Tips for Grade 4 Learners Writing their First Exams

As a mom and student myself, I know how to study.  I know how to juggle family, work and studies and do it well!  Can I tell you, that helping your child prepare for exams is harder than juggling a million things and writing exams yourself!  Would you believe me if I told you, it is the truth!

What I can also tell you, is that seeing your ADHD child achieve really good marks and taste success, is the best feeling ever!

Related Post:  Exam Success and Other Ways to get your Child to See their Own Potential

ADHD & Executive Functions

I was first introduced to the to the concept, Executive Functions, earlier this year.  As a mom to an ADHD child, the concept, literally changed the way I approach Logan!

Long story short, we all make use of executive functions.  Executive Functions allows us to do what we decide to do.  It allows us to make a decision to start something, helps us plan and organise tasks and helps us focus, in order to execute the tasks.  Executive functions also help us keep going to push through to complete a task and includes the ability to retain and manipulate information, regulate our emotions and monitor the process of with self-talk.

Here’s the crazy part, executive functions are only fully developed by the age of 25-30 years!

Kids with ADHD have a 30% delay when it comes to developing these particular skills.  In other words, if I can help my child develop his executive functions as soon as possible, I can make a huge difference to the overall way he copes in school.

Let me explain.  Instead of focusing on drilling math or trying to get my kid to read a book, I am trying and teach him how to plan.  Logan participated in this year’s entrepreneurs day.  He was super excited, but unaware what it took to plan and execute the sub-tasks for the event.  Instead of organising the whole thing for him, because, let’s face it, doing it ourselves, means it is done correctly the first time, without any hassles.  I helped him to plan the event.  This included going from shop to shop, looking for the most affordable ingredients; doing the math to determine what these costs were, pricing the items to ensure he makes a profit and doing all the little tasks like washing the bottles, etc.

He pretty much did everything from A-Z and when the day was a success, it was his success.

The above was simply one example.  Every time he wants to have a friend over for a sleepover, he has to plan (1.) what they’ll be doing (2.) the menu, (3.) sleeping arrangement, etc.

Related Post:  Executive Functions + ADHD

How Do I Help my ADHD Child Study for Exams?

So how do I use the executive functions to my advantage when it comes to studying?  Exam preparations for ADHD kids take a lot of patience and a lot in terms of pre-studying preparations, on the parent’s side.  Here’s what I have tried this term:

1. Schedule and Plan the Study Timetable together

I used to love planning my study timetable!  It used to take me forever to plan, the perfect study roster.  I also believe, that when we see something, like the fact that in 3 weeks from now, the exams will be over and done with, it’s a bit easier to apply ourselves to meet the demands.

I applied this principle to Logan, by printing out a standard November Calendar printable.  We sat together and jotted in when he was writing exams, as well as what days we needed to study which subject.

2. Start Early

Kids with ADHD are naturally more prone to feel exam stress and anxiety.  By starting as earlier as possible, I’m trying to manage Logan’s stress and anxiety levels.  The only drawback is that the exam season seems longer to him.

… then again, I’d rather have a bored child, that an anxious child.

3. Work hard & Play Hard

To try and combat the effects of what seems like months and months of exam prep, we do fun things in between.  The weekend, we attended a Capoeira Roda, which broke the mundane routine of studying a bit.

4. Find a Balance between Pushing hard and Stopping when it is Pointless to Study

Getting Logan to get started is our biggest problem.  Once he is in study mode properly, he is generally on the ball, but to get him there is really hard.  For this reason, I tend to push him to do a little more, when he is in that mode.  This helps me balance the times, I really cannot get him focussed on studying.

I also believe that the more often we practise getting started,  the better we will get at it.  It could be wishful thinking, but let’s be honest – sometimes we simply need something to hold on to, to get us through the rough patches of life!

5. Positive Reinforcement

Praise your child when he does well.  I battle with this one, usually by the time Logan does perform, I am so angry and frustrated by what I’ve had to endure up until that point.  But, positive reinforcement so important!

I am really talking to myself here!

6.  Arrange Something Fun to look Forward to Post-Exams

It is Logan’s birthday in December and that gives us something to look forward to, along with a little party/ get-together to plan.

Exam Preparations for ADHD Kids

Exam Preparations for ADHD Kids is so hard.  The purpose of this post, was really to remind me that I have been through worse with Logan.  Every uphill battle is a battle I will climb over and over!  I suppose that is what we do as parents!

It doesn’t make it easier in the moment, but knowing we are not alone makes it a little easier.

Divorce and Kids | I hate what my divorce has done to my boys!

Divorce and kids don’t gel really well!  I have been meaning to write this post for the longest time.  It is such a personal thing to write about.  No-one can really prepare you for what your divorce does to your kids.

There are loads of resources available online to help you navigate the divorce and kids situation.  All of them give you insight into what your kids may experience.  I had experienced the effects of divorce first hand as a child.  Having been through it myself made choosing to get divorced all the harder.  I was dead set against it and if I could fix my marriage by myself, I would have.

I hate what my divorce has done to my boys!

Firstly, I really haven’t blogged about what I did to fight for my marriage.  Well, I did, but I posted them mainly as private posts.  Perhaps it is time to reveal some of the hardship and struggles I had while fighting for my marriage?  But I’d really like to make it clear, that if you are reading this post and you are still in two minds about getting a divorce.  Make sure you have done absolutely everything in your power, to make your marriage work!  The last thing you want to do, is to look back and wonder if you could have done more?  Even more so, could you have spared your kids the heartache of going through something as horrible as a divorce?

The reason I am saying all of this is because you will look back!  You will be at your lowest and you will wonder whether if your marriage was really as bad, as you thought it was.  You will doubt your decisions to get a divorce and you will consider trying one last time.

I guarantee it!

It is during those times, that you will need to look back and recap all the things you did, to try and make it work!

If you have tried everything!  And I mean, absolutely everything!  Introspection, changed you to be more accommodating, prayer, threats, ultimatums!  If you’ve tried to be the understanding and patient.  If you have tried your hand at tough love and marriage counselling and there is still no change in your marriage.   THEN THIS POST IS FOR YOU.

Divorce and Kids

I have two boys, their ages at the time we were separated, were 10 (Logan) and 4 (Oliver.)  The conversations I had with the boys were very different.  Their reactions, based on age and personality, were very different.  Some of my observations are general observations, applicable to both boys, other observations were applicable by age and personality.  Here are some of my observations and experiences.

Accommodate the emotion

Emotions are all over the place, as it naturally would be.  Even when you are the person, making the decision to leave, your emotions are still all over the place.  If your spouse leaves you, I can only imagine it to be much, much harder.  Fact is, when your emotions are all over, your kids naturally follow suit.

For the first 6 months, post-separation, our home routine was slightly different, to accommodate the emotions.  Yes, there were rules, discipline and consequences.   But more than that, we had pajama parties where we binged watched series and ate popcorn.  There was grace in terms of the rules.  There was crying and there was being angry!

Quality One on One Time

Logan and I used to do Capoeira twice a week.  Not only did it give us the opportunity to physically get rid of some of our frustrations, it also gave us quality time to talk.  Once a week, while we went to Capoeira, my ex would come over and spend some time with Oliver.  Quality one on one time was more important than ever!

Be Honest with your Kids

Nothing makes me angrier than when adults lie to kids.  In this instance it’s even more important – you kids know you are not okay.  They know you so much better than you realise!

Besides, life isn’t always rosy and might as well use the opportunity to teach your kids something about life!  The long and short, stop hiding your sadness and tears!  The ugly cry is a bit different, try and hide the ugly cry as far as possible.

Top Tip:  Stop hiding and pretending.  Tell your kids you are sad, but you are going to be okay and so are they.

Grow the biggest support structure you possibly can!

As I mentioned earlier, there is nothing that prepares you for the impact a divorce will have on your life.  People who see a divorce as “the easy way out” really have no idea what they are getting themselves in.  Divorce is hard!

Family + Friends

Family and friends become more important than ever.  I had my mom and bestie on speed dial and often had to ask for help, both physically and emotionally.  Often times, I didn’t even need to ask for help, somehow they knew exactly what I needed when I needed it and more importantly, they considered my kids at all times.

Support Group

The very first thing I did, when I considered a divorce was to join a group at church for people going through a divorce/ separation.  The group itself wasn’t perfect and unfortunately, in some instances, it was seen as a singles club, but that is beside the point.  I connected with a couple of ladies who walked with me.  They preempted and guided me through emotional changes with my kids.  My kids befriended their kids and they had common ground.  More than common ground, these kids were proof to my boys, that life goes on and life can still be beautiful and adventurous!

Teachers!

Get the teachers on board, regardless of whether you feel comfortable with it or not.  Teachers spend an enormous amount of time with our kids!  Knowing that someone else – an outsider for all intensive purposes – has your back and keeps an eye on your kid, makes all the difference.

Logan, age 10

I know they say, parents shouldn’t fight in front of their children.  It never worked in my previous marriage, even when we tried.  For that reason, Logan saw the divorce coming a mile ahead.  He used to ask me if we were going to get a divorce and while it wasn’t the case, at the time, it did bring an openness to our relationship, that I treasure.  I made a commitment, to always be honest with Logan.  It was during this time that I adopted the phrase:  “My only aim is to do what is best for you, me and Oliver.”

To be fair I was completely open and honest with both boys, but a four-year-old’s the level of understanding is very different when compared with a ten-year-old.

Anger and Acting Out

Logan didn’t have the initial shock, but he was very angry!  Logan got angry with the world and it was evident by the way he acted out at school and at home.  The rejection was really hard on him.  I’ve mentioned before that he had a double dose of rejection – the normal divorce rejection, along with full forced rejection when the guy that was his “dad” for most of his life, no longer wanted to assume the responsibility.

• He has battled with his own identity because of it, something we picked up in therapy.
• It has also made it really hard for him to trust people.

Assuming a Fatherly Role

Logan also assumed a “fatherly” role at home.  His aim was to protect me and to step into the manly role at home.  Naturally, this kind of behaviour isn’t healthy, even if it is normal for a short period.  I’ve had and still have to have conversations with him, to let him know, that I am okay.  And that he is allowed to be a kid.

Grace, prayers and time.

Oliver, age 4

For the longest time, Oliver didn’t understand the implications of the divorce.  He understood that his dad and I were no longer in the same house.  He also knows we both love him and that the divorce wasn’t his fault.

On the surface, Oliver seemed to cope quite well.  For the longest time, he was the same well-adjusted little boy, he has always been.  Earlier this year, Oliver’s teacher, who as fate would have it, has been through a divorce herself, contacted me.  She was worried about Oliver because he wasn’t showing any emotion at school.  No anger, frustration, sadness – he was in a blank, empty state.

Her explanation of his behaviour was, that he had to pretend to be okay with mom and pretend to be okay with dad.  He was an emotionally exhausted little boy with no way to express himself.  To make matters worse, he was probably wasn’t sure how to express his true emotions and wondered if he was allowed to.

Oliver’s teacher’s advice was true gold.    

She recommended that I give expression to my emotion, name the emotion and give an explanation as to why I am feeling the way I feel.  For example, I am so angry right now because the taxi drove in front of me.

• The way I expressed the emotion allowed Oliver to see, that it is okay to express emotions, even undesirable emotions.  Like anger.
• Subconsciously, he made a connection between, what he perceived me to feel and what he was feeling.  (Ah… so that is what anger looks and feels like.)
• The fact that I got angry, meant I gave him permission to be angry.
• By expressing what I was feeling and why I was feeling it, reiterated the fact that it is normal to feel certain emotions.
• And hopefully, the fact that I gave him my reason, would allow him to feel more comfortable to share his reasons for feeling a certain emotion.

Slowly Oliver started showing his emotions

Even though all my observations are listed clearly, like a manual.  None of it has been easy or successful the first time around.  Everything has been trial and error!  Some days, it seems like you are seeing light at the end of the tunnel and the next moment, you feel yourself drowning in a pit again.

Progress takes time.  Healing and acceptance take time.  Be patient with yourself and with your child!

Oliver slowly started expressing himself again.  It has been evident in his behaviour when I am not around, his school marks and generally with the sport he does.

From one extreme to another

Like every little boy, Oliver adores his dad.  His dad cannot do anything wrong.  I respect the sentiment and I will do everything I can to keep it like that, even to my own detriment!

Oliver’s dad is his hero.   To a certain extent, I feel like Oliver has assumed a similar role with his dad when compared with the role Logan assumed with me.  Oliver decided it was his sole mission in life to protect his dad.

With the fierce protective instinct, Oliver started resenting me.  He blames me for the divorce.  Naturally, I don’t know whether his dad, my ex, has anything to do with it and it won’t really make any difference.  Being on the receiving end of Oliver’s hate has been one of the hardest things about this divorce.

But I have to admit, that progress is progress and being resented is for me a sign that he is processing things.

Again, grace, prayers and time.

One little sentence to say to your kids while going through a divorce

I had one little sentence I kept repeating while I was going through my divorce.  It reads as follows:  “My only aim is to do what is best, for you, me and your brother.” 

If this is your reality at the moment,  all the best.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Please reach out!  Don’t be a stranger – there is nothing worse in life than thinking you are alone.   Big hug!

Exam Success and Other Ways to get Your Child to see their Own Potential

Exam success is key in keeping our little people motivated towards becoming hard working students.  When a child battles with a learning disability like ADHD, it can often be that much harder to help your child realise their own potential.

Angela Duckworth – Grit, the power of passion and perseverance

I recently watched a video of a teacher-turned-psychologist named Angela Duckworth. She was fascinated with who would be successful in a classroom filled with students and why.

Angela’s research shows that intelligence or talent aren’t the main factors when it comes to success.  But rather a concept she refers to as GRIT, “the power of passion and perseverance“.

The implication of grit, as mentioned in the below TED Talk really inspired me.  Grit implies that the ability to learn isn’t fixed, but it is something that can change with effort.  Failure isn’t a permanent condition.

Of course, we know this but when explained from a different perspective and in a way that makes sense to our child, it becomes inspiring!

Eddie The Eagle – Film

Eddie was a little boy who believed he would compete in the Olympics.  He was relentless in pursuit of what he wanted.   From a young age, age 10, he practised various sports in hope that he will be successful in order to reach his goal of competing in the Olympics.  He failed at every sport he attempted.  During his teen years, he discovered skiing and although he was successful in the sport, the British Olympic officials denied him the opportunity to join the British team.

Has anyone seen Eddie the Eagle? It left me beyond inspired. #NowWatching

— hello i’m Alet (@alet202) August 1, 2017

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Long story short.  Eddie saw a loop hole that would allow him to compete as a ski jumper.   In 1988, he became the first competitor to represent Great Britain in Olympic ski jumping since 1929.  He didn’t walk away with a medal, but he achieved his goal to attending and participating in the Olympic.  Success against all odds.

It is a feel good film, but more than that, it is a film that reminded me, nothing worth fighting for is ever easy!

Exam Succes in Reality

The psychology behind success and pure passion and perseverance are all great and well. But does that translate in my life and in the lives of my boys?

Last term, Logan wrote his very first exams.  We worked really hard and I felt it towards the end of the exam season.  I wrote a post about our exam preparation and even though I knew we were prepared for the exams, I was secretly sitting, holding thumbs and praying our hard work would translate in an outstanding report card.

I am thrilled to say, is paid off!  Logan achieve exam success like he has never experienced it in his life!  He brought home a report card, with 4 distinctions, two B’s and one C.  I am beyond pleased with his success and I don’t think he has any idea how proud I am of him.

Stepping Stones to Greater Success

One of the areas I identified as an area where we could do better, was math.  He got the C for math, which, let’s be honest isn’t bad, however, we need to lift the C in order for Logan to realise he own abilities.

In the past two weeks, I needed to beg and plead with Logan to attempt a single math equation.  He knows he battles with long division, but the thought of doing one or two sums is daunting.

I started the battle head on.  When we did a couple of sums together, and he caught on a little.  He then tried one or two by himself and it was correct.  Later the same day, he wanted something from me.  Something he was prepared to work for.

In the end, I swopped a packet of slap-chips for 5 mathematical equations.  And best of all, he managed to do them correctly!

Related:  Executive Functions + ADHD

Sidenote:  Exams only count half of their final score.  Logan really pulled his weight in the classroom.  Let’s trust the feeling of success will remind him that hard work and perseverance feels good at the end! 

What is your strategy to help your kids achieve success scholastically?

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Let’s pretend ADHD is a fictitious disorder that should be ignored

I am furious at the idea that people can still refer to ADD or ADHD as a fictitious disease that will go away if we pretend it doesn’t exist.

I was asked what I did the weekend when a colleague commented that I am not doing my child a favour by helping them study for their very first exams.   According to him, I should provide my child with all the needed resources – pens, paper, visual material and the internet – and allow them to self-study the topic.

Generally, I am able to keep my cool when confronted with ignorant comments, from people who have no experience or frame of reference.  Today wasn’t one of those days.

Instead, I asked him, whether he (1.) has a child with special needs and (2.) have a child who has started writing exams at school.  Full well knowing the answer (no.).

Full well knowing the answer.

What is ADHD?

ADDitude defines ADHD as a complex neurological disorder described as a “developmental impairment of self-management functions linked to complex brain operations.”

The path parents of children walk to get their kids the best possible workable solution for the behavioural issues, is exhausting.  I can only speak for myself, but the journey from realising that my super intelligent-perfect-in-every-way little angel was – less than perfect –  was torture.

I went into denial and I even went as far as to call his teacher(s) incompetent.  Secretly, I thought the medication would just give the teachers breathing room to teach my kid in a conventional way.  I expected them to find creative ways of teaching my child.  I knew my kid was busy and a little different, I knew he was extremely persistent and didn’t pick up on social queues they way other kids would have.  Logan was also my first born and my everything.  I was determined to fight for him and his rights as a kid and as a student.

The road to reality was so hard.  I went from constantly fighting with the teacher(s) to fearing parent evenings at school.

Once I got over my denial, I had to come to terms with the fact that we needed to treat Logan’s disorder.  I tried every herbal remedy, I even combined different remedies and doses.  We changed Logan’s diet, added additional stimulation in the form of physical and mental exercises.  Logan and I worked endless hours to try to get him to read basic English words or see the pattern when looking at numbers  Mainly because ADHD isn’t his only battle, he also battles with auditory processing.

The road to reality was so hard.  It involved paediatricians, occupational therapists, clinical- and educational psychologist, speech therapists and all them came to the same conclusion.

Medication isn’t a magic potion

I wish I could say, medicating my child saved the day and we lived happily ever after.  But that wouldn’t be true.  Medication has helped Logan tremendously, but it hasn’t solved all our problems.  Perhaps, I am reluctant to keep increasing his dosage, but let’s be honest, as much as he needs assistance in the form of medication, he also needs to learn coping mechanisms and strategies.

As a parent, I still long for my child to live a ‘normal’ life.  One where he doesn’t need medication just to cope.  I still aim to help him learn skills and develop different types of intelligencies to help him cope better.  These include the development and strengthening of executive functions and practising Capoeira.

Executive Functions

Back to my colleague… I continued by recommending he googles the term executive functions.

Executive Functions are neurologically based skills that help you do, what you decide to do.   My argument was that all children need to learn these skills to enable them to:

1. Decide to prepare for their exams and
2. Plan and execute their decision well.

The above theory of providing your child with the needed tools to execute a task is great.  If your child has the needed executive functions and mental abilities to execute the task.

Reality check – executive functions are only fully developed by the age of 25-30 years.  In other words, we could all do with a little guidance from our parents.

The colleague in question was way too busy with his own agenda, to listen to my argument.  This was both hurtful and ignorant.  If anything, the whole argument has given me time to reflect on a really tough journey.  To evaluate where we are at the moment.

How often do you have conversations that stirred so much passion and anger in you, that it bothers you for days?

Being Logan’s mom, comes with a whole different set of challenges, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.  My little boy is destined for great things.  Regardless of whether the journey is easy or the criticism is light, he will get there.  One step at a time.

“Forgive your child and yourself nightly. You didn’t ask to live with the effects of ADHD any more than did your child.”
― Martin L. Kutscher, ADHD – Living without Brakes

P.S.  Logan is super intelligent and perfect in his imperfect and stubborn ways.

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3 Exam Preparation tips for Grade 4 Learners writing their 1st exams

Grade 4 is a tough year in the South African school system.  Not only is it the first year kids start rotating classes, but it is also their first formal school exams. Here are some tips that helped us with our exam preparation.

In between the excitement of running his first stall at the school entrepreneurial day and building a meter long bridge for a school project, we’ve been trying to prepare for the exams.

Study Methods

At the end of May, we had a 2-hour session with an educational psychologist to assist and guide us with the best study methods, for exam preparation, for Logan.  It is definitely something I would recommend for any child.  Not only did it give Logan insight into why we needed to repeat the work over and over again, but it also gave him insight into the way his brain works.

Based on the three different learning styles, traditionally recognised by psychologists, Logan was classified as mainly a kinesthetic learner, which means he needs to actively be doing something in order to engage in learning.  The other learning style associated with Logan is the visual learner.   Visual learners need to see the information in order to learn.

The aim was to combine the information provided in the study methods session with what I learned earlier this year about executive function.   In order for Logan to achieve and feel success in the exams.

In other interesting news:

Did you know studying is considered a skill and summarising or making exam notes is a completely different skill?  Depending on your child, it may be worth it for you as the parent to allow them to learn the skills concurrently.  I.e.  First exam season, teach your child how to study and allow them to master the skill.  Second exam season, teach them how to summarise the exam content and study.

Related to Exam Preparation:

http://curiouswildflower.com/free-printable-study-timetable-for-primary-school-kids/

What worked for us?

• I got Logan to show me his back flips during the breaks to get the blood flowing properly.  Towards the end of the day, yesterday, he has started taking an old bicycle apart for the bike chain and bolts he needed to use for another one of his personal projects.  Spending the break, actively doing something by either engaging his body or mind, proved to energise him enough to go back to the books after a short break.

• Over the weekend, I allowed Logan to plan our study time for the day.  He was determined to study for 2 hours, followed by an hour break and then a second 2-hour study session.  The fact that I agreed with his recommendation and used it as a guide, gave me a little favour with Logan.  In the end, we took multiple short breaks in our 2-hour sessions, but Logan could see the end – or really an hour long break – in sight  This gave me the upper hand during the study sessions

• Logan is a determined and stubborn little boy.  By working against a self-created deadline, we tried our best to stick to the goal and achieved more in a short amount of time.  We decided we would work through all his science exam content in one afternoon and pushed to finish the content.   The results?  (1.) The taste of success and (2.) resting after you’ve really worked hard, is the best kind of rest.

Where we failed and corrected behaviour?

• At first, we read through the content that needed to be summarised and then only summarised the information.  Which I think in most cases may be the best for all students.  For Logan, it makes the whole process way too long and drawn out.  So instead we started reading and summarising at the same time.

This worked for us for a couple of reasons:

1. Initially reading all the content was way too much effort and I ended up reading every second paragraph.
2. Once we started reading and summarising, Logan was tasked with reading all the information.  My task was to keep up by writing faster.

• We started studying for math too late, which means we didn’t get to practice nearly as much as I wanted to before the exams.  I also realised the importance of double checking all math he does in the classroom on a weekly basis.  Logan lost a couple of math rules and enforcing these rules last minute was stressful.
• Oliver was motivated by Logan’s example to study, which is great for Oliver, but it means he keeps pushing in and wanting guidance with his ‘work‘.  The weekends with his dad helped greatly, but I will need to think of a way forward for the next exam season.
• Keeping Logan motivated during the school week remains a challenge.  Here I need lots of guidance from the seasoned moms!!

This is my list for now.  Exams finish on Friday.   I am sure, I’ll do a follow-up post at some time.  What exam preparation tips can you add to my list?

Raise Entrepreneurs, Logan’s first taste of success as an entrepreneur

My main goal as a parent is to raise well-adjusted, kind and hardworking kids.  Unemployment in South Africa also means we need kids who will push through boundaries, deal with failure and work towards sustainability.

Is there a better way than to teach our kids entrepreneurial skills from a young age?

Logan participated in his first entrepreneurs day at school in last week.  He wanted to sell baby bottles, a theme that has been successfully used repeatedly at his school.  His main aim was to sell all his product and become rich instantly.

I was sceptical and had a whole list of reasons why I thought, we ought to settle for something else…

1. Finding cheap baby bottles in Pretoria is a nightmare.
2. How would we keep the startup cost as low as possible to maximise profit?
3. How would we have an edge over all the other kids who have done it in the past?
4. What if we charged too much for the bottles and he doesn’t sell all of them?
5. Change.

Logan persisted with the baby bottles and man, am I glad I gave in.

Logan’s Entrepreneurs Day Idea

Logan ended up selling what we termed as “baby milkshake” – an idea that hadn’t been used by any of the kids!  Many kids have sold baby bottles filled with cold drink or juice or, a bottle of juice with the teat part of a bottle over the top of the bottle.

Market Day at school tomorrow! Q1: Is R15 too much? Q2: How gorgeous is our blue wall?? #boylu

A post shared by Alet Swart (@alet202) on Jun 1, 2017 at 8:57am PDT

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Flavoured milk proved to be both inexpensive and a great hit with the kids!

What we learned from the experience

Lesson Logan Learned:

Logan learned that although it looks impressive to sell all your product, it doesn’t mean you’ve made a great profit.  The concept of startup cost, selling price and profit, is something he now fully understands.  My exceptionally practical and logic child needed the practical experience and I am super excited to see what he will do with the knowledge in the future.

He also learnt that getting rich instantly is a myth.  We needed to make a whole bunch of calculations to make sure we charge the correct amount.  Logan also had to wash and dry every single bottle, which isn’t the end of the world for most of us, but Logan despises doing dishes.  It involved planning, calculations and hard work.

Lessons I Learned

I learned to trust Logan’s judgement.  He was sure of himself, with reason, or possibly because he could sell ice to an Eskimo in winter.  Regardless, he is a smart little boy with a huge amount of entrepreneurial potential and it is my job as a mom to give him the room to grow and develop the skills.

I wasn’t sure I would see the money I spent on all the bottles and supplies.  But when I fetched him on Friday afternoon, I was pleasantly surprised when he had kept the money he owed me aside.  It will probably seems a silly, but it’s pretty special to see your kid grow up in a responsible and trustworthy manner.

What we will change next year

Logan sold out way too fast on Friday, which was both a blessing and a missed opportunity.  Next year, we will add a refill option.  Once you’ve bought your bottle of milkshake, you will be able to return to his stall and get a milkshake refill at a fraction of the cost.

Another idea we will probably consider, is to add sprinkles and cream as an upsell option.

Logan and I learned to compromise

The statement doesn’t quite carry the weight of the sense of accomplishment I feel in saying those words.  Logan is stubborn and he gets it from me.  Even thought he shot my idea of selling condense milk syringes down and insisted on baby bottles, he listened.  And by the end of the whole entrepreneurs day experience, he could see and agree with my recommendation and respectfully decline the idea for next year as well.

What has been your struggles and successes in teaching your kids entrepreneurial skills?

Executive Functions + adhd

I’ve recently been introduced to a concept called executive function.  In all honestly, we all know and understand the elements when viewed as separate entities, but when placed together under one umbrella, it is pretty impressive!

NITTY GRITTY DETAILS

When researching ways to help your child cope better with ADHD, I have been sadly disappointed.  Most articles and advice up until now has been diet, routine and supplement related.  And yes, there is merit in the approach, but damn it – how does that help me with my kid when he has deadlines coming out of his ears and we both find ourselves overwhelmed.  (Him with the work and me with him)

To enable me to understand and assist Logan with homework., I joined in on a webinar hosted by CHADD, the National Resource on ADHD who featured Cindy Goldrich, an ADHD specialist.  The presentation centered around ways to improve homework time with strategies that work for ADHD.

Here’s where I was pleasantly surprised, the whole presentation was to empower me to help my kid to cope better.

THE SCIENTIFIC

Cindy explained executive functions as neurologically based skills that help you do, what you decide to do.  Interestingly enough, these skills are only fully developed by the age of 25-30 years.  And children with ADHD have a 30% delay or deficiency when it comes to these particular skills.

The thing that really struck a cord with me, is that these are SKILL that can be developed if I choose to focus on them.

The executive functions or skills can be summarised as follows:

1. Initiation and activation or simply, the ability to get started.
2. Focus – shifting your focus to do what needs to be done and sustaining your focus.
3. Planning and organising tasks to make it happen,
4. Effort and processing speed,
5. Working memory, by retaining information and manipulating it when needed,
6. Action through self-talk and monitoring oneself, and
7. Emotional regulation.

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MY THOUGHTS

I know my child and I know which of these skills he battles with the most, as well as his strengths.  Logan winged his way through the first term of grade 4, mostly unassisted because he felt prepared for his tests and assignments.  His school report wasn’t remarkably amazing, but all things considered, he did pretty well.  Better than I had expected.

Because Logan isn’t much of a readers, I have decided to focus on teaching and building these executive skills.  My thinking is, if he can master and improve on things like planning and organising skills, regulating his emotions and keeping focused, many of this other “challenges” will be minimized or eliminated.  Executive functions, along with the enhancements of multiple intelligences, will have him well on his way to success.

IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION + PLANS FOR THE FUTURE

There are a couple of things I am going in implement in our lives to help build these skills.  Here’s what I have in mind based on what was discussed and encouraged in the webinar.

ANNUAL PORTFOLIO.

Cindy recommended creating an annual portfolio with goals, schedules, and achievement to help your child to plan and organize.  I have a file with documents per child, but I have never included them in the planning process.  The file also isn’t being used as a working file that is opened and reviewed bi-weekly, but rather a “one day, I’ll be the mommy of the year because I have managed to save all these important documents” kind of file.

Another amazing perk of keeping all their achievements for the year in this folder is to remind and motivate the child when the going gets tough and they feel like giving up.

CLOCKS AND SCHEDULES.

This one will help us plan and organise our time more efficiently and become more cognizant of time being wasted by procrastination.  It also brings awareness relating to what is happening over the weekend, what is happening in mom’s life and the likes.  Sounds simple, but I really think as soon as my kids have a bigger understanding of what is happening in my life and each other’s lives, they may have a little better perspective and understanding.

COMPUTER LITERACY.

According to Cindy, children in grade 3 and up, should be capable of doing a whole bunch of things on a PC.  Logan is competent with some of these but definitely not all of them.  Which means, the goal is to expose him to as many of these things as possible in the coming months.

• The ability to type with all ten fingers,
• Create and manage folders and subfolders
• Update software and bookmark favourites
• Know how to set up a template in word processing software

TRANSITIONAL SPOT.

A transitional spot is supposed to be a place in your bedroom where you alway leave your school suitcase, cellphone and important belongings.  This is supposed to help the scatter minded with managing and finding these items during a morning rush.

TIME MANAGEMENT.

This will probably the hardest item to implement.  The aim is to get the child to view time as money, in order to plan their time more efficiently.  Cindy recommends the Pomodoro technique, a time management tool that helps you hyper focus in short bursts whilst taking frequent breaks.  To make it work in our home, I will need to investigate it thoroughly before implementing the best fit in our home environment.

What do you think of these executive functions?    Have you given it some thought in the past?