Sparrow at Heart

Reverb 11: Day 9 – Disappointment

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– What was the one disappointment that has turned out to
  be a blessing in the last 12 months? How will this affect how you deal
  with disappointment in the future?  –

This is a difficult post to write.  Thankfully it turned out to be a blessing, because my darling boy is an amazing little man and I am completely in love with him.

Meaning Oli-Mac
Since the moment I knew I was pregnant I wanted a little girl.  During the first trimester all friends close to me and my husband thought I had gone mad.  They listened to the words I was saying and seriously considered the possibility that aliens had up-ducted me.  All my heart wanted was a – healthy – baby – girl.

Naturally I tried to condition myself, even after the doctor confirmed I was having a girl.  I
kept telling myself, it is not a definite and not to get my hopes up high.  I was wobbling, as only the pregnant can through the shops looking at little girl outfits.  I was thinking up a storm of girl (and boy) names.  I had the nursery planned – the theme was beautiful, bird silhouettes and bird cages on yellow, grey and white stripes.  I told myself, if she turn out to be a he we’d call him Finch or Robin – just to explain the birds.  I tried as best I could to balance my desires with the reality that she could very quickly become a he.

They seeing is believing and I remember the day I saw clear as day the little boy I was carrying in my womb.  It was our 4D scan, the lady who was assisting us assured me to double check with the gynae first, her words were, I am not a doctor.  As soon as I saw, I knew.  My heart was shattered, but somehow I found peace in knowing.  My heart was shattered, I cried and I couldn’t stop.  I knew I was blessed to be pregnant with a child made in love.  I knew I would love the little boy that was made in love.   I knew the man I love was standing next to me, loving me regardless of whether our baby is a boy or girl.

O is for

Am I cured of wanting a little girl to be a part of our family?

No

Will there be fourth child?

I don’t know – it is dependent on a lot of things, one of them mentioned here.

Do I love my little Oli-Mac less because he is a boy?

I love my Oli-Mac just as he is, he really has come to live out his name.                             He comes with his twists but he brings a lot of peace to my heart.

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Author: Alet Swart

I am a geek with creative flair. boymama. Passionate about people + wholeness + travel + tech. Empowered by Grace.

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