– What was the one disappointment that has turned out to
be a blessing in the last 12 months? How will this affect how you deal
with disappointment in the future? –
This is a difficult post to write. Thankfully it turned out to be a blessing, because my darling boy is an amazing little man and I am completely in love with him.
Since the moment I knew I was pregnant I wanted a little girl. During the first trimester all friends close to me and my husband thought I had gone mad. They listened to the words I was saying and seriously considered the possibility that aliens had up-ducted me. All my heart wanted was a – healthy – baby – girl.
Naturally I tried to condition myself, even after the doctor confirmed I was having a girl. I
kept telling myself, it is not a definite and not to get my hopes up high. I was wobbling, as only the pregnant can through the shops looking at little girl outfits. I was thinking up a storm of girl (and boy) names. I had the nursery planned – the theme was beautiful, bird silhouettes and bird cages on yellow, grey and white stripes. I told myself, if she turn out to be a he we’d call him Finch or Robin – just to explain the birds. I tried as best I could to balance my desires with the reality that she could very quickly become a he.
They seeing is believing and I remember the day I saw clear as day the little boy I was carrying in my womb. It was our 4D scan, the lady who was assisting us assured me to double check with the gynae first, her words were, I am not a doctor. As soon as I saw, I knew. My heart was shattered, but somehow I found peace in knowing. My heart was shattered, I cried and I couldn’t stop. I knew I was blessed to be pregnant with a child made in love. I knew I would love the little boy that was made in love. I knew the man I love was standing next to me, loving me regardless of whether our baby is a boy or girl.
Am I cured of wanting a little girl to be a part of our family?
Will there be fourth child?
I don’t know – it is dependent on a lot of things, one of them mentioned here.
Do I love my little Oli-Mac less because he is a boy?
I love my Oli-Mac just as he is, he really has come to live out his name. He comes with his twists but he brings a lot of peace to my heart.